Monday, April 13, 2009

Something has been weighing on my mind...


Body Image.



All of these things have been on my mind lately. A bit too much. I have been really down about my weight, and this weekend seemed to be a low point for me. My clothes feel tight and I feel uncomfortable. I was looking through our Easter photos, and I can't stand looking at myself in the photos. I feel like I am a whole other person than the real me.

I've been really sad for the past few days. Weight gain is one of those problems with no easy fix. I want to do something about it, but seeing any result takes a long time.

I think I have finally figured out that I need to watch what (and how much ) I eat. It's hard to eat well - especially when I am working 6 days a week! There just isn't time for cooking from scratch - some days, there just isn't time for cooking at all.

I feel like I traded my health for a meager salary. I am not happy about it. I had an appointment with my midwife (for a regular GYN annual - no baby here!) and we talked about my weight (and the effect it's having on my health). She is a wonderful, positive woman and told me that I have made good choices and that I am on the right road to losing the weight. But it's so frustrating to me that I can't just get started doing things right yet. I can try - but I still have 4 extra children here all week, and I still work on Saturdays. That leaves very little time for cooking and getting any type of exercise. I will try though.

I had a day off today. I was home with just my own children - and it was WONDERFUL! Sure, we had lots of bickering and I didn't get even close to getting all my chores done, but the stess level was so low just because I was home with my own children. I didn't get to fully enjoy it though - the thought was always there that tomorrow I will be back to the old routine with all the other kids. I'll be back to work on Saturday next weekend.

I wanted to workout tonight, but I can't stop coughing and can't even imagine trying to workout. Even yoga seems impossible when you are coughing all the time. I am taking the night off and going to try to get all of the Easter baskets and decorations put away (instead of working out). I will hope that I will be a little better tomorrow.

I need to be done feeeling sorry for myself and what I have done to my body. I need to just do something about it. I am going to start by watching what I eat and tracking the calories I take in each day. And I am going to try to get 30 minutes of exercise each day. We'll see what happens when I am able to do those two things. Hopefully I'll see some positive results by the time I am done with my babysitting job - and then I will have the time to really focus some attention on myself.


  1. Have you looked into Leslie Sansone's indoor walking aerobics? The library might have them. I haven't watched many of her viseos but I read her book and likes it. And then you could get in a one or two mile walk just walking in place doing the chores. I have been reduced to aerobically cleaning, I admit it :) It isn't much, but it's something! Baby steps, right?

  2. I actually have some of those and used to enjoy doing them. I sort of forgot them (although I have used those "walk-away weights a few times while doing the Wii Fit).

    I think the biggest problem is that I can't even get chores done most days - much less doing an aerobics cleaning. I think this is all just a big old part of Lisa's Huge Failure of 2008-2009 - this babysitting was way more than I can handle and I have been miserable for most of this school year. I almost wish I wasn't as nice of a person and I would have just quit 2 months ago when I wanted to (rather than waiting it out until the end of the school year).

    But I think I will unearth those tapes and at least set them on the VCR in hopes of actually finding time to do one soon!

  3. Little-by-little you will get there! I am so sorry you are discouraged! I have been there before. Try to keep your eyes on the small, positive changes you can make. You're doing a good job and not giving up and that is the key to success! Keep up the great work, Mama!